Integrity as Self Trust

I recently shared a talk with a group of wonderful people at a retreat center on Lake Tahoe! In our time together we talked about the topic of Trust. This was a talk that my dear friend and colleague Amie Patrick wrote, I tweaked it and made it my own and then delivered it! Life doesn’t always go as planned (hints why I delivered it and not Amie) but team work makes the dream work and I could not be more honored to work with such brilliant people.

I thought I might share our notes here in case something might be helpful to you!

_______________________________________ I believe to refuse to trust is to waste away.  To armor up and harden our hearts and feelings is to disappear into that shell.  Trust is required for human thriving.  We are here to worship God and enjoy him forever.  We are here for His glory.  So we must keep moving forward on this journey toward trust, toward healing, toward being trustworthy people.   

Most of us are well aware that we cannot control the actions of others or somehow will them into being trustworthy friends, family, partners or community. We can mind our own trusting and become more resilient along the ups and downs of our personal journey of trust.  And we can get more adept at trusting with integrity and responsibility.  

INTEGRITY as SELF-TRUST

Integrity is biblically defined as honesty, purity, undivided heart or wholeness.

In Luke 10:27, Jesus gives us an idea of what integrity might look like. He answered, “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

I believe that integrity is an alignment or a “fitting together” of mind (thoughts), heart (feelings) and body (actions). 

Consider the idea of integrity, like the integrity of a building.  Engineers and architects build skyscrapers and the buildings must fit together just right. Each part must carry it’s load, and be balanced appropriately so that the integrity of the building is good.  

We are talking about the strength of our inner man or self.  How all the parts of us fit together to create strength and stability.  In other words, trustworthiness.

Now what about this idea of self-trust? Isn’t that the opposite of the Gospel? NO! It’s the impact of the gospel. I’d like us to understand self-trust not as “leaning on my own understanding” in an God-ignoring, self-promoting way; but rather confidence that I know what to expect of myself and have confidence towards how I want to and am able to show up. I am trustworthy to myself and before God.  

Of course, no one is completely integrated or walking in perfect integrity. Furthermore, we do not just “have or not have”  integrity, we can practice disciplines that allow and help us to become more deeply integrated people.

Am I trustworthy to myself and to God? Well, the truth is we are likely trustworthy for some things and also disintegrated in some ways. Consider the categories below and see where your strength and weakness lies.

Disintegrated Head: Overthinking, analyzing, caught in thought loops, stuck in our minds.  I recently heard a line that said, “Overthinking is under-feeling”. 

Integrated Head: Looks like thinking it twice!  I have a capacity to think things through, consider all sides, and then move with my thoughts into life with others by sharing or revealing them.  When I notice I am getting caught in a feedback loop, I phone a friend. 

Self-Awareness for Head - Do I know what I’m thinking? Am I aware of recurrent or ongoing thought patterns?  Can I articulate my thoughts, written or verbally?  Am I practicing the renewal of my mind (Romans 12:2), meditating on the good/true/beautiful (Philippians 4:8)? Do I find myself caught in patterns of overthinking-analyzing or under thinking and refusing to think things through?

Practice for Head - Slowing down the brain through breathing exercises that reconnect the head to the body. Exercise-for releasing stress and increasing good brain chemicals. Contemplative disciplines that train me to be reading, praying for transformation not information.  

Disintegrated Heart: Emotional outbursts, swings or flatness/numbness whether known or unknown by others.

Integrated Heart: I feel my feelings appropriately. I can regulate my feelings appropriately so that they are a blessing and build up my relationships when I share them.  

Self-Awareness for Heart: - Am I aware of what I’m feeling? Can I name and articulate my emotions? Am I aware of how those emotions show up in my body (physical sensations/symptoms)?  Am I aware of typical emotional responses/patterns for me?  I can get regulated by going through this helpful little process: RULER.   I can recognize I’m having a feeling, understand what the feeling is, label the feeling with words, express the feeling to another, and regulate the feeling in my body.  

Practice for Heart: Using the language of feelings!  Give my feelings a voice through “prayer”, “people”, or “paper”.  Discipline of curiosity (rather than judgment) about what important information my feelings are giving me. Write a Psalm.

Disintegrated Body: Checked out from body or acting out in unusual, unhealthy/sinful, or aggressive ways. Making excuses, lying, justifying, denial, etc. Exaggerated focus on body image.

Integrated Body: I am experiencing and in tune with my feelings and needs and am trusting them for the information they are giving me about being human.  

Self-Awareness for Body: Am I aware of how I feel physically (tired, hungry, in pain, etc.)?  Am I accepting my physical needs/limitations or continually pushing past them? Am I aware of my behavior and it’s impact on myself and others (tone of voice, posture, body language, facial expression, etc.)? Do I regularly care for my body in a way that allows for greater integration (nutrition,exercise,sleep, etc.) Am I compulsively moving or in action? Do I find it hard to sit still?

Practice for Body: Sit still, body scans-noticing/paying attention, Listening to feedback of others regarding their experience of my body language, discipline of self-care and sabbath, Senses Journal & Senses Walks

I just shared with you a lot of information and probably, HOPEFULLY, some of it resonated with you.  But I don’t want you to leave here feeling overwhelmed or even highly energized to go get yourself integrated!  I’m asking you for just a few more minutes.  I want to offer you 3 invitations as you consider where you might want to move toward more integrity.

#1 Be Responsive. Naming and responding to my emotional and physical needs, taking care of myself (resting when tired, eating well when hungry, allowing tears when sad, etc.) - Jesus is our example in this.  He moved in and out of the work of ministry.  He lived in and thrived in his humanity. He did not try to work around it by bypassing his pain or limits. We are not trusting ourselves for perfection or high performance.  We are trusting ourselves to be responsive to and accepting of our humanity with the same kind of gentleness and love that Jesus and our Father have for us.  We can extend grace and be responsive to ourselves because God extends grace to us and he responds to the cries of our hearts and needs.  

#2 Build Confidence. Starting taking very small steps and actions of doing what I say I will do. Hold reasonable, realistic expectations of yourself which might include a willingness to make slow, unimpressive progress! All of these small successes will build confidence and integration. When I know that I will follow through on what I have told myself that I will, that’s a win! Letting my yes be yes and no be no with myself first allows me to do so with others much easier.

#3 Be Accountable. Gracious, vulnerable, regular accountability around misaligned tendencies/patterns/exaggeration or diminishment is a must. You need relationships that are willing to talk about integrity with you and who are also living out of their own integrity.

The process of becoming an integrated self increases our trust in God.  We learn we can trust God for our needs and in his presence we absorb his trustworthiness with our permeable souls.  We live in the reality that we are dependent creatures in need of a Mighty Savior and a Trustworthy Father.  When our thinking, feeling, and acting are aligned we can trust ourselves.  And we will be able to share that trust with others as trustworthy men and women.