Left in a Lurch?
Have you ever felt that saying yes to the Spirit of God’s invitation to deeper soul work has left you in a lurch when it comes to navigating the practical everyday parts of your life? I have. Often, when we say yes to listening more, to slowing down, and to tuning in more relationally we find that the time and space this kind of work requires wars against our already busy western schedules. When we begin to consider our stories and to pay attention to our emotions and bodies, we can find ourselves emotionally flooded and physically exhausted. An extended sabbatical or long vacation sounds fabulous, but is just not always practical. Following are some tips and strategies I’ve learned over the years as I’ve tried to learn (sink or swim!) to navigate the deeper terrain of the soul.
It has always, Always been very important for me to remember that soul work is slow work. There is this amazing idea, that learning to receive love, to give away love, and to identify and remove the barriers to love is a journey, not a destination. It is a life’s work. It becomes one part of the ebb and flow of life that you can choose to welcome or buck against. (I do not recommend the bucking against 😊) What you need and I need is not to be fixed per se. What we need is to embark on a journey of curiosity and growth that will keep us transforming and renewing until the Kingdom comes! So, when the trials come and the realization comes that there are deep wounds that need to be attended to, think long haul. When we figure out that how we are living life and participating in relationships isn’t working anymore and we must change, think long haul. Not a quick fix, but a lifetime of awareness and understanding.
Secondly, I often have to adjust my expectations of the world around me and maybe more importantly of myself. Experiencing sadness, anger, confusion, disappointment is exhausting. Remembering hard parts of your story and connecting dots between then and now is taxing on a person. Be kind and reasonable with yourself. Don’t minimize that the terrain you are traveling through is bumpy and rough. Also, invite people into your life who will also be kind and reasonable with you as you find your way. Sometimes, when we are in the heat of a battle, we need to insulate ourselves a bit from extra voices.
Be sure to consider the basics. Are you getting enough sleep, exercise, food? In times of sadness and grief more sleep is helpful for me. When things are very stressful, regular exercise is important. Choosing to intentionally nourish my body by what I’m eating and drinking is a great way for me to acknowledge my limitation and need as a human. Be sure you take some time to consider if your basic needs are being met. You may need to adjust your normal rhythms to create more space to care for these basic needs. Attending to these, as unexciting as it may seem, is actually setting yourself up for success to have the energy you need to do the deeper work you are being invited to.
Third, if you are having a hard time not being distracted from work or your normal responsibilities because you are struggling… consider finding a container. You may need to set aside a certain space or a certain time that you designate to grieve, cry, and do your processing. An amazing friend and counselor of mine named, Pauline McClemore, suggested that I might organize some of the events and chaos of my life in shoe boxes, and then in time organize them in a closet, with labels and names. What a simple visual picture. A simple picture that has given me a way to get grounded in the midst of chaos, big or small. I know that I have a method, a system for sorting through things and putting them where they belong. I have done this before, I can do it again!
Let me give you a fuller picture of what I mean. Sometimes, I open this closet, in my mind’s eye, and there is an enormous heap of notes, pictures, memories, hurts, joys, and emotions in the middle of the floor. This is often the case when there is a major crisis going on with many moving parts, impacting many relationships. I can choose to spend a Saturday afternoon or one evening (Or one hour every two weeks in my counselor’s office) sitting on the floor and begin to sort through the pile. Other times, the closet is fairly tidy and I may take one box down, perhaps labeled “Mom” or “7th grade bullying” or “childbirth” and add to the box, then put it back in its rightful place.
Hopefully, you can see how this container idea works. It is a way to organize your stuff. Your container might be a box instead of an entire closet. You may just need a place that is your place to go and to cry and pray. In 2009-2011 Clif and I joined the Deeper Journey retreat offered by Crosspoint Ministry, which was a two year, eight retreat experience that provided a Friday and Saturday away at a retreat center 4 times a year! What a tremendous impact and what tremendous fruit we saw from that commitment. That was a type of container as well, a space, intentionally set aside for self-care and communion with God. Sometimes we are overwhelmed to the point where we need a time out from our normal responsibilities of life, and we may need another set of eyes to look in and help us determine that.
So, what about you? Where are you at on the journey of going deeper in your relationship with Christ and with others? Are you feeling energized and excited? Deflated and discouraged? Like everything is out of control? Apathetic? Be encouraged! You are not alone. Our God is kind and good. He draws near to the brokenhearted. He saves the crushed in Spirit. He came, not to stuff under the rug all our fear, shame, and guilt, but to heal us. He came to make us new. To make us whole.
All of the above sounds so-So spiritual and wonderful! And it is! I am here to tell you that the spiritual and wonderful that stirs in us and inspires us IS compatible with the real, everyday, lives that we live! So, don’t you dare give up!
