Sad People
Have you ever noticed that people don't like sad people?
Some just flat-out run away from feelings of sadness in themselves and in others. I would venture to say that MOST people avoid a sad heart when they perceive one is coming. And who can blame them... folks in our high-speed, disconnected from actual relationships, high-efficiency, high-achieving, and highly-productive world just do not really have time to entertain a long face. And if that long face starts leaking out tears... and if that sad heart is filled with emotions, ESPECIALLY if they are not clear on exactly what emotions they are feeling and why... no, no, NO!
Have you ever been the sad person? I have. Lots of times. I think I've been the sad person for at least the past 10 years. And I think I'm learning to be okay with it.
I was talking about this with a friend recently and I said out loud, "Look around. What's not to be sad about." I sort of shocked myself. I guess, I could tell you the list of my traumatic experiences, broken hearted loved ones, crushed trust in people, jerry springer-esq family episodes, health crisis, loss, relationship turmoil... I could tell you about the neighborhood I live in, the people I walk with and dig into the broken, dirty, hard parts of life with... I could cite the gloomy days, and the weather that won't seem to commit to what season it's in...that's screwing us all up. If I told all my stories, I think the common, warm-hearted human would find my sadness worthy.
The interesting thing is as a Christian... how do you be sad AND thankful... sad AND joyful... Jesus was called, Man of Sorrows. Can you imagine the sorrow that must have weighed on him... because he KNEW everybody's pain, he knew their stories, empathized with them, knew their deepest needs and desires, like to the very depths of their beings. I often feel heavy guilt on days when I am experiencing intense sadness... I feel guilty for not being joyful. I feel compelled to hurry and start listing out things I am thankful for, trying to ward off the sadness somehow. But lately... I've been wondering if it might be okay for me to just be sad. What if it was okay to look out the eyes God created me with, taking it all in with the permeable soul he gave me, as I sit in the limited body and mind that is mine... and to see what I see... and what if it is totally appropriate to feel sad. And what if feeling sad was not actually offensive to God, but was actually a gift from him.
What I've been experiencing lately is a new dance with this sadness. It washes over me, tears spill down my face at times, other times get stuck in my throat, or just keep filling up in my eyes. There are days when I am distracted by it, when the rhythms of my day are disrupted. And then somehow moving just in step with the heartache and sorrow is a knowing that God is near, that he is sovereign, that he is kind. There is a belief that he is making something new out of whats been broken and ruined. I am filled with hope just as much as I am filled with sorrow. How can that be? I think it can be because maybe sadness and hope. Sadness and godliness... do not have to be enemies. Maybe.
