IN THIS LESSON
“Trust people who do trustworthy things.”
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Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. -
Breath Awareness
Gently close your eyes and bring your attention to your breath. Notice the sensation of the air moving in and out through your nostrils or the gentle rising and falling of your abdomen. There's no need to control your breath - simply observe it as it is, moment by moment." What do you notice about your breath? Is it short or full? Choppy or smooth?
"Continue to focus on your breathing, noticing the natural rhythm and pace.
Transition to 4 count breathing
Let's try a 4-count breathing practice. Begin by inhaling slowly through your nose, counting to 4 as you breathe in. Hold your breath for a count of 4. Then exhale slowly through your mouth, counting to 4 as you breathe out. Repeat this pattern of 4-count inhale, 4-count hold, and 4-count exhale, continuing to breathe at a comfortable pace."
"As you practice this breathing, notice how it affects your mind and body. The 4-count rhythm can help you feel more grounded and present. Remember to keep your breathing relaxed and natural, without straining. Continue for a few more rounds, allowing the rhythm to become an anchor for your focus."
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A healthy boundary is
1) 100% about safety and is a means of staying engaged in the relationship.
2) 100% in your control.
3) 100% possible.
4) You must be 100% willing to follow through with it.
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Abstinence Plan for Sex Addiction Recovery
1. Definition of Abstinence
I define abstinence as refraining from the following behaviors:
Viewing pornography in any form
Engaging in masturbation
Seeking or participating in casual sexual encounters
Using escort services or visiting strip clubs
Engaging in cybersex, sexting, or phone sex
Any sexual activity outside of my committed relationship
2. Boundaries and Safeguards
To maintain abstinence, I will:
Install and maintain content filtering software on all devices
Avoid being alone with individuals to whom I'm attracted (other than my partner)
Not use the internet or devices in private spaces (e.g., bedroom, bathroom)
Share my location with my partner when away from home
Avoid places that have been triggers in the past (e.g., certain neighborhoods, hotels)
3. Recovery Activities
I commit to:
Attending 3 support group meetings per week (e.g., SAA, SLAA)
Meeting with my sponsor weekly
Attending individual therapy sessions bi-weekly
Journaling daily about my thoughts, feelings, and challenges
Practicing mindfulness meditation for 15 minutes each morning
Reading recovery literature for 30 minutes each evening
4. Accountability Measures
I agree to:
Check in with my accountability partner daily
Share my internet browsing history with my partner weekly
Take a polygraph test every six months if requested by my partner
Immediately disclose any slips or relapses to my partner and sponsor
5. Self-Care and Stress Management
I will prioritize self-care by:
Exercising for at least 30 minutes, 5 days a week
Maintaining a regular sleep schedule (10 PM to 6 AM)
Eating balanced meals and avoiding excessive sugar or caffeine
Engaging in a hobby or recreational activity at least twice a week
Practicing deep breathing exercises when feeling stressed or triggered
6. Relationship Commitments
To nurture my primary relationship, I will:
Have a weekly check-in conversation with my partner about my recovery
Plan and participate in a date night once a week
Express gratitude to my partner daily
Attend couples therapy sessions monthly
7. Relapse Prevention Plan
If I feel at risk of relapse, I will:
Immediately call my sponsor or accountability partner
Remove myself from the triggering situation
Use the H.A.L.T. method (check if I'm Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired)
Engage in a predetermined healthy coping activity (e.g., going for a walk, calling a friend)
Attend an emergency support group meeting if available
8. Review and Revision
I will review this plan monthly with my therapist and partner, making adjustments as necessary to support my ongoing recovery.
Signed: _________________ Date: _________________
Witness: _________________ Date: _________________
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Sex Addiction Relapse Plan: Considerations for the Betrayed Partner
1. Immediate Disclosure
If I relapse, I commit to:
Inform my partner within 24 hours of the relapse
Provide a clear, honest account of what happened without minimizing or making excuses
Answer any questions my partner has truthfully and completely
2. Safety Measures
To ensure my partner's emotional and physical safety:
I will immediately get tested for STIs if the relapse involved physical contact with another person
I will respect my partner's need for space or distance if requested
I will not pressure my partner for forgiveness or to move past the relapse quickly
3. Transparency and Accountability
To rebuild trust:
I will provide my partner with full access to my devices, accounts, and location information
I agree to take a polygraph test if my partner requests it
I will check in with my partner daily about my recovery efforts and emotional state
4. Intensified Recovery Efforts
To address the relapse, I will:
Increase my therapy sessions to weekly for at least one month
Attend daily support group meetings for the first 30 days post-relapse
Re-engage with my sponsor and create a new sobriety plan
5. Partner Support
To support my partner's healing:
I will pay for individual therapy sessions for my partner if they desire
I will attend couples therapy sessions as frequently as my partner wishes
I will read materials on betrayal trauma and discuss them with my partner
6. Boundary Respect
I understand that my partner may need to:
Set new, stricter boundaries following the relapse
Take time to process their emotions before deciding on next steps
Seek support from trusted friends or family members
I commit to respecting these boundaries without complaint or pressure.
7. Relapse Analysis
Within one week of the relapse, I will:
Identify and share with my partner the triggers that led to the relapse
Develop and share a concrete plan to address these triggers in the future
Discuss with my partner any changes needed in our relationship or environment
8. Amends Process
I will:
Write a detailed amends letter to my partner
Read this letter aloud to my partner when they are ready to hear it
Follow through on any promises or changes outlined in the amends
9. Partner's Relapse Response Plan
I support my partner in creating their own relapse response plan, which may include:
Predetermined self-care activities
A list of supportive friends or family to contact
The option to temporarily stay elsewhere if needed for their well-being
10. Recommitment to Recovery
I will:
Renew my commitment to my recovery program
Involve my partner in creating an updated recovery plan if they wish to participate
Regularly share my progress and challenges with my partner
11. Understanding Consequences
I acknowledge that:
My partner has the right to reevaluate our relationship following a relapse
There may be predetermined consequences we've agreed upon (e.g., temporary separation)
Repeated relapses may result in the termination of our relationship
12. Review and Revise
We will review this plan:
Immediately after any relapse occurs
Every three months as part of our ongoing recovery work
Any time either of us feels it needs updating
Signed (Recovering Addict): _________________ Date: _________________
Signed (Partner): _________________ Date: _________________
Witness (e.g., Therapist): _________________ Date: _________________